One Man Slam Pit: Journey of a Gen X Punk Rocker

 by BC Caldwell

We all know that one guy. It’s a one-man pit going around and around in a circle like he’s playing Duck-Duck-Goose with himself. 

We are not quite sure what to call this phenomenon of the late 40+ male. It seems to be a resurgence of that aggression he left back in high school. The eye of the tiger, the fervor of his existence on this planet saying goodbye to that mid-day 9 to 5 workweek. This is his time to shine.

Stan Mongoose is a local, Gen X accountant who loves his punk rock. From the wee age of 13 he’s been going around in circles with his friends, laughing and enjoying the bloodlust the pit brings. He has one goal in mind and that’s to kick some ass in the pit. Regardless if that’s with somebody with him or him just swinging arms in the air. It’s that primal feeling of going back to his youth, that feeling of knowing that one time he was something cool.

Stan’s favorite band is BRUTAL is BRUTAL . A no-nonsense hardcore punk band with a steady 200 BPM beat in the polka style of punk. Throw in a touch of bro-hymn lyrics and a group of guys sporting the same tattoo template on their chest. Each marking their necks with the city they were born in, backward hats, double-fisting beers and bratwurst on the grill

But like most nights, and because this is the fifth show the BRUTAL IS BRUTAL is playing this week, almost no one is there. It’s pretty much just Stan and the bartender. Stan doesn’t care, because Stan still would make the “pit” happen.

The first song kicked in. Stan revved up and started to do the hop-skip circle run which always is the key indicator that something was about to go down. Following the hop-skip, circle run began the arm flailing and the every now and then sidekick donkey punch. At this point he would stop every now and then, knowing that no one‘s going to be running into him, to then bang his head up and down. He does this even though he is completely bald with a  shaved head and zero hair to flip.

Stan’s motto is “zero fucks given” and we all could see that. Once stan got out onto the dance floor the bands loved it, they love Stan. Stan is the only one that consistently shows up and creates a one-man pit when no one‘s there. Stan also wears every piece of merchandise that BRUTAL IS BRUTAL makes and the band is very appreciative because they were able to eat this month because of Stan. From the band, I would like to say thank you, Stan.

Midnight rolls around and the last band finishes its last song. Stan is ready for his most intense move, which is the no catch stage dive. He usually ends the night with the dive because it tends to end the night for him, as well. 

As the band did the break down right before the 250 BPM blast beat, Stan was up on stage already with his arm around the singer, yelling with him during the chorus. Right before the breakdown, he took a massive step back and then dove superman style to his side slamming onto the concrete with a horrendous crunch. The small lingering crowd stood in horror, the band stopped playing. They needed to know that Stan is OK. 

We love Stan, the band loves Stan and the world needs more people like Stan.

Stan showed up for work the following Monday with an arm brace and black eye he had given to himself. His boss doesn’t ask questions but does seem interested in joining Stan on his next adventure. See you at the next show, Stan.