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105 Thoughts Every Girl Has In American Apparel

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1. Wow, so window display, many colours.
2. Wait, isn’t this the place with the ads that look like porn?
3. Will these clothes make me look like porn?
4. Do I want to look like porn?
5. And why do only the women look like porn?
6. Whatevs, might as well pop in and check out the sale rack.

Naoise Dolan for BuzzFeed

7. That shop assistant is intimidatingly beautiful.
8. She looks like she’s about to tell me that they don’t stock peasant smocks and I should leave before they release the hounds.
9. Her cheekbones don’t think I belong here.
10. Her cheekbones want me gone.
11. Everything here makes me feel poor and clownish.
12. Okay, I have to stay for long enough that cheekbones-girl doesn’t get to think she’s scared me off.
13. I’m not giving her the satisfaction.
14. Let’s start with the sale rack.
15. She’s definitely noticed that I’m starting with the sale rack.
16. But if you don’t want people to start with the sale rack, don’t charge the equivalent of a downpayment on a mortgage for an aubergine-coloured tube bra.

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17. Ooh, magenta velvet miniskirt, 50% off!
18. Possibly because it’s a magenta velvet miniskirt.
19. But how many magenta velvet miniskirts do I have in my wardrobe?
20. Oh yeah, that’s right: zero. Sounds like a lacuna to me.
21. Can’t hurt to try it on.
22. Even if the only one left is a size too big.
23. No.
24. Reconsider.
25. There’s no way this skirt would look good on me.
26. Or with anything I own.
27. This skirt doesn’t even look good with itself.
28. As in, this skirt would never look good in any context ever.
29. Even when you consider this skirt in isolation of who’s wearing it, how they’re wearing it, where they’re wearing it, sociopolitical context, and/or current room temperature, it remains an exceptionally ugly skirt.
30. Put it down.
31. It’ll still be there if I change my mind later.
32. Because it’s the worst skirt of all time and no-one wants to be associated with such a thing.

Naoise Dolan for BuzzFeed

33. Those smiley “90%” signs are the absolute creepiest.
34. Though these python print pencil pants are in strong contention for the title.
35. Peter Piper picked a peck of python print pencil pants.
36. A peck of python print pencil pants did Peter Piper pick.
37. There’s a reason this stuff is on sale.
38. Multifarious reasons.
39. Reasons as numerous as they are abundantly clear.
40. Which would explain why I’m going through each item very carefully and considering it for way longer than is reasonable.

Naoise Dolan for BuzzFeed

41. I wonder what kind of person buys and wears a gold shiny thong.
42. NO, BRAIN, I DIDN’T WANT YOU TO START ANSWERING THAT.
43. So much polyester.
44. If someone even lit a match in the vicinity of this shop, it would all explode.
45. Which mightn’t be such a bad thing.
46. Okay, we’ve established that the sale section is an ungiving morass and a bad life decision waiting to happen.
47. Might as well have a look around at the not-on-sale stuff.
48. These sweatshirts aren’t too bad, to be fair.
49. The colours are understated compared to their cut-price brethren.
50. Ooh, and if you buy two, the third is half-price!
51. Are there three of these I want?
52. Is there even one of these I want?

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53. Hang on, what’s this colour – red? Burgundy?
54. I’ll check the label.
55. Oh, ‘truffle’.
56. And it apparently wasn’t made in a sweatshop.
57. Which acts as a friendly reminder that when brands don’t say they don’t use sweatshops, you can probably just go ahead and assume that they do.
58. Ugh, capitalism is the worst.
59. As opposed to this truffle sweatshirt, which is pretty great.
60. But it doesn’t make sense to buy it on its own, because what if I come back later and want to buy two sweatshirts?
61. And then even though I’ll have bought a total of three, I won’t get the discount.
62. Because I’ll have divided my purchases into two different transactions.
63. So I need to bite the bullet and pick two more sweatshirts right now.
64. Red and brown are too similar to truffle, so they’re out.
65. Heather grey. That’s nice and neutral.
66. Aaaaand let’s go with “zebra”. Spice things up.
67. I am about to spend £100 on three sweatshirts I don’t particularly want or need.

Naoise Dolan for BuzzFeed

68. I’m doing this just in case I do want or need further sweatshirts at a later point in my life in a way that doesn’t dovetail perfectly with American Apparel’s discount structure.
69. Cool.
70. Okay, no, I have to at least try them on.
71. I might as well try on something else, too. While I’m there.
72. Fuck it, let’s go with these nylon disco shorts.
73. In silver.

Naoise Dolan for BuzzFeed

74. No queue for the changing rooms!
75. I am free as a bird, going where the wind takes me.
76. And I can’t get into these disco shorts.
77. Ugh, front zip, you had one job.
78. Breathe in.
79. And hold it in. Forever.
80. There we go.
81. Dare I look in the mirror?
82. Ew. The human body was not meant to be contorted so.
83. I didn’t realise it was, like, anatomically possibly to have fat rolls there.
84. Or there.
85. The disco shorts have not been a success.
86. And now they won’t come off.
87. If I need to call for Cheekbones Girl to come in and cut me out of these, I will legally change my name and move country.
88. No, it’s fine, it’s cool, they’re coming off.

Naoise Dolan for BuzzFeed

89. Lesson: it is unwise to opt for XXS in American Apparel if you are anything other than extra, extra small.
90. The sweaters will be more forgiving.
91. They’re so nice!
92. But I can’t shake the feeling that ultimately, they’re just sweatshirts.
93. And I’ve persuaded myself that they’re the nicest sweatshirts ever so I won’t feel guilty about splurging on them.
94. When really, I only like the truffle one all that much.
95. But that one feels too expensive to buy on its own, so I want to buy all three to save £20.
96. Even though I’d end up spending a lot more money than the truffle one would have cost on its own.
97. I cannot afford this.
98. And even if I could, £40 is a stupid amount of money to pay for a sweatshirt.
99. I could buy a Ryanair flight to another corner of Europe for that much.
100. I’ll put them back and forget about them.
101. Mourn discreetly.
102. And move. The fuck. On.
103. Where’s that magenta velvet miniskirt on the sale rack?
104. Fuck, someone took it.
105. I hate you, whoever you are.

Naoise Dolan for BuzzFeed

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Ozzy Osbourne’s ‘Ozzfiesta 2015′ Canceled as Singer Plans to Undergo Surgery

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by Chad Childers March 26, 2015 11:57 AM

Read More: Ozzy Osbourne to Undergo Surgery, Ozzfiesta Cancelled | http://loudwire.com/ozzy-osbourne-ozzfiesta-canceled-surgery/?trackback=tsmclip

Ozzy Osbourne fans had been circling May 27-31 on their calendars for the first-ever Ozzfiesta, an extravagant Mexican getaway week that was to take place at the Hard Rock Hotel in Riviera Maya, Mexico. But the event will not be happening this year, as Ozzy Osbourne is reportedly set to undergo surgery in May, leading to a conflict.

The event was scheduled to include performances not only by Osbourne, but also an individual acoustic set from Zakk Wylde as well as a full performance by Wylde’s band Black Label Society. Ozzfiesta was also going to include a number of parties, a charity golf tournament and a comedy club featuring such comedians as Jim Norton and That Metal Show‘s Jim Florentine performing.

A statement from Cool Breeze Concerts, the promoter of the Ozzfiesta extravaganza, reads as follows:

Cool Breeze Concerts regret to inform you that Ozzfiesta is cancelled.
Like you, we were very excited about the event. However, Ozzy is having surgery, scheduled for May, following his South American tour. He requires at least four weeks of recovery time. We are very disappointed that we need to cancel.
We will be offering refunds which will be processed in the next 4-6 weeks. If you decide that you would still enjoy an all inclusive vacation at the Hard Rock, Riviera Maya, Mexico please send us an email, and we can make the arrangements.
We apologize for any inconvenience and hope that you understand the circumstances surrounding the cancellation.

The nature of Osbourne’s surgery is not known, but the rocker is expected to be ready by the time Black Sabbath play their farewell show at Makuhari Messe at Ozzfest Japan on Nov. 22. Sharon Osbourne made the announcement for the farewell Sabbath appearance in a trailer promoting the event that surfaced this past weekend.

There has been no word of any other Black Sabbath dates or discussion of when a new album may be arriving, even though Ozzy spoke last fall of the band’s desire to do one more tour and album.

You Think You Know Ozzy Osbourne?

You Think You Know Black Sabbath?

See the Yearbook Photos of Ozzy Osbourne and Other Rockers

Read More: Ozzy Osbourne to Undergo Surgery, Ozzfiesta Cancelled | http://loudwire.com/ozzy-osbourne-ozzfiesta-canceled-surgery/?trackback=tsmclip

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Video Premiere: War on Women’s Punk Song About the Wage Gap

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Today we’re premiering a new music video from Baltimore-based feminist punk band War on Women. Their song “Glass City” is about the wage gap and the video highlights real-life women at their jobs all over Baltimore, including Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake and performer Rain Pryor.

Check it out:

The lyrics of “Glass City,” which is off the band’s new album War on Women, are explicit about the issue at hand:

If the cards are stacked against you
it doesn’t matter what’s in your hand
And I know it’s not just this city
What? Is the wage gap not big enough to get your ego through?
Fuck your personal anecdotes about women making more than you
Playing one of the guys, yeah it gets real tired
“You can’t change it, so why fight it?”
It’s time to realize that they are failing you.

Writer Hilary Saunders profiled War on Women last month—she noted that frontwoman Shawna Potter found the band’s name to be “really fucking punk.” “I’m not going to dance around the fact that there is a war on women. I’m not implying it. I’m telling you,” she pronounced.

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'Alzheimer's disease', under 'Alzheimer's'

Help Me Wipe Out Alzheimer’s Now

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By Maria Shriver

I was deeply moved watching Julianne Moore win the Oscar for “Still Alice”, a movie I was proud and privileged to executive produce. Julianne gives a harrowing performance as a brilliant 50-year-old college professor who loses her brain and herself to early-onset Alzheimer’s disease. This is a huge moment for Julianne — and a huge moment for all of us who have been trying to focus public attention on this staggering disease.

Witnessing Alzheimer’s progress on the big screen is as terrifying as it is in real life. I know, because I’m a child of Alzheimer’s. My father Sargent Shriver’s mind had always been a finely-tuned instrument that left people in awe and inspired. But my family and I watched Alzheimer’s erase that brain — slowly, inexorably, completely. It was terrifying, too, because back then, the disease was surrounded by shame and silence.

Alzheimer’s still carries a stigma of the unknown — even though today, more than 5 million Americans have it. That’s right. Every 67 seconds, another one of us develops Alzheimer’s. Women in their 60s are about twice as likely to develop Alzheimer’s as breast cancer. With 10,000 baby boomers turning 65 every day, there will be 13.5 million of us with Alzheimer’s by 2050. And many people don’t understand that Alzheimer’s isn’t a natural part of aging. Alzheimer’s is a disease that kills.

The truth is, we’re right in the middle of an epidemic, but we as a nation are in denial. An Oscar for “Still Alice” is shining the brightest light yet on Alzheimer’s, but light isn’t enough anymore. Attention isn’t enough. It’s time to get serious. Alzheimer’s is exerting a powerful impact on American families — on our health, our finances, and our futures. And women are disproportionately impacted.

Why women? Back in 2010, when we published “The Shriver Report: A Woman’s Nation Takes on Alzheimer’s,” we broke the news that women were more than half the individuals diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and nearly two-thirds of the unpaid caregivers of those who had it. Now those numbers are far worse. Today nearly two-thirds of those with Alzheimer’s are women — that’s more than 3.2 million women. And women are more than 70 percent of Alzheimer’s caregivers, having to reduce their own workload or even drop out of the workforce altogether to care for loved ones.

Women are the epicenter of this crisis, which is why I believe women also have to be the solution. So last week, in partnership with the Alzheimer’s Association and so many inspiring women already working on the front lines to fight this disease, we launched the Wipe Out Alzheimer’s Challenge, a multi-pronged campaign powered by women’s brains. Our mission is to enlist women of all ages to get educated, engaged and empowered to instigate change. Women around the country will go out and raise the alarm, raise awareness, raise the stakes, and raise millions of dollars to fund serious research into women’s brains.

And there’s so much research to do and so many questions to answer. Why is the incidence of Alzheimer’s higher for women? Nobody knows. And why is it that women in their 60s are so much more likely to get Alzheimer’s than breast cancer? Nobody knows. What’s the exact role of estrogen? We don’t know. Is there an Alzheimer’s connection with depression or with diabetes? What about genetics? What can be done during the 20 or so years when the disease develops, before a woman even becomes symptomatic? What’s the impact of diet, stress level, exercise, sleep and cardiovascular condition? It’s time to find out.

We have to fund this research, because for some reason it’s not a priority for the government. In 2015, Washington will spend an estimated $6 billion on cancer research and $3 billion on HIV/AIDS research, but only $586 million on Alzheimer’s. Yet, this disease is costing our federal government $226 billion every year. I don’t get it, but I’m not going to wait anymore.

So Wipe Out Alzheimer’s is stepping in. We’re asking women to put together their own Brain Trusts in their communities — groups that will go out and do some muscular fundraising. But equally important, these Brain Trusts will gather to discuss and disseminate information about what the disease is and isn’t. What are the warning signs we should look for in ourselves and our parents? What’s the difference between normal forgetfulness, dementia, and Alzheimer’s disease? Can brain games or meditation slow cognitive decline? Do dietary supplements help?

Local Brain Trust groups will also learn about the devastatingly high cost of Alzheimer’s — how neither Medicare nor the Affordable Care Act covers long-term care, and private nursing homes average more than $80,000 a year. They’ll reach out to help and encourage women whose loved ones have Alzheimer’s. They will be politically engaged and encourage political candidates who support increased funding for Alzheimer’s research. They’ll push their own doctors to get better-educated about cognitive health.

It’s time for the narrative around Alzheimer’s to change. I remember when an HIV-AIDS diagnosis was a death sentence. I remember when cancer was a dirty word and the prognosis was always grim. But AIDS and cancer activists are helping to take these diseases from terrifying to treatable, from hopeless to hopeful. We want to do the same with Alzheimer’s. We want to understand it, prevent it, treat it and beat it. Wipe Out Alzheimer’s is creating a global community of women activists, agitators and agents of change to do just that.

We used to think that the mysterious condition called Alzheimer’s disease happened only to folks in their 80s and 90s. “Still Alice” shows us that’s just not true.

The race for the Oscar may be over, but the race to wipe out Alzheimer’s is on.

This commentary first appeared in the Opinion section of CNN.com.

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‘Revenge of the Nerds’ Star Badly Hurt in Gruesome Car Crash

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49 minutes ago BY TMZ STAFF

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Robert Carradine — the star of “Revenge of the Nerds” — was involved in a horrifying car accident with a semi-truck … TMZ has learned.

The head-on collision occurred last week on a Colorado highway at 3 PM. According to the police report — obtained by TMZ — Carradine crossed the dividing line and slammed into the truck.

Firefighters removed Carradine from his car and he was rushed to a nearby hospital with “incapacitating” injuries.

Carradine’s wife was in the car and also injured.

We called Carradine’s rep to find out how he’s doing … so far no word back.

Carradine, the brother of the late David Carradine, was cited for careless driving. Cops say drugs and alcohol were NOT a factor.

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Read more: http://www.tmz.com/2015/03/12/robert-carradine-car-accident-head-on-crash-semi-truck/#ixzz3UCF9aCW9

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If X-Men Was Directed By Wes Anderson

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What would happen if Wes Anderson directed X-Men?

If X-Men Was Directed By Wes Anderson

We’d hear a restrained narrator read Bobby Drake’s typewritten invitation to Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters.

If X-Men Was Directed By Wes Anderson

They’d train in whimsical, ’70s-inspired jumpsuits.

If X-Men Was Directed By Wes Anderson

There would be plenty of slow motion action scenes set to carefully curated indie music.

And of course, the movie would feature a character montage showcasing each mutant’s quirkiness.

Check out the whole trailer.

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Willie-Nelson

‘Is Everybody High?’ Musicians Share Their Best Stories About Getting Stoned With Willie Nelson.

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By Andrew Husband

Willie Nelson At Home In Texas

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South by Southwest Festival (SXSW) headliner Willie Nelson is best known for two things; making and performing some of the country’s most enduring music, and weed. Lots and lots of weed. Millions of fans annually flock to his performances to enjoy both, including other famous marijuana enthusiasts, occasional smokers, and first-time potheads.

After participating in the Dripping Springs Reunion of 1972, Nelson started his own Austin-based music festival the following year. Playfully called “Country Woodstock,” Willie Nelson’s Fourth of July Picnic quickly became a staple of the Texas music scene. It also provided a public platform for the musician’s then-unorthodox stance on marijuana.

Nelson opts for vaporizers instead of joints these days, but this hasn’t dampened his support of numerous state and nationwide legalization campaigns. Nor has it lessened how often he smokes, gets arrested, and who he smokes with. What follows are some great stories from musicians about getting high with Willie.

Snoop Dogg (or Snoop Lion?)

 

While promoting his collaborative album Heroes in 2012, Nelson talked to GQ about the recording process, a recent vacation he took to Amsterdam, and his good ol’ pal Snoop Dogg, who went by the moniker “Snoop Lion” at the time. The two musicians joined each other in the Netherlands capital for some “coffee:”

GQ: Speaking of Snoop, I hear you shared some time together in Amsterdam.

Willie Nelson: Yah. I was in Amsterdam and I got a call from Snoop and he was, I think, in New York or somewhere and didn’t have anything to do. So he just flew over and we hung out for a few days.

GQ: I assume you two frequented a few of Amsterdam’s famous coffee shops?

Willie Nelson: We had a cup of coffee or two [laughs]. We got to be good buddies.

Both men told the same story on CNN, along with a little elaboration from Snoop in the above interview with Piers Morgan.

Dave Matthews

Rolling Stone garnered all sorts of extras for its September 2014 issue dedicated to Nelson. One of the funniest entries came from fellow singer-songwriter Dave Matthews, whose own live show closely models Willie’s own (many audience members light up, and the stands better resemble the stars.) Of course, Matthews told stories about getting stoned with his friend:

I remember the first time that I met him, the band and I got on his bus and he started rolling joints and passing them around the bus. And at some point, I got this sort of warm dull hum in my head I think everybody was sharing. We’d been chattering, and I don’t know how many joints had been going around the bus, but he raised his hand and said, “Is everybody high?” And then everyone laughed. It was a great moment.

An even greater moment came when Matthews gave his mother, a longtime fan of Nelson, a photo of Willie with the members of the Dave Matthews Band:

Every time I go to visit my mom, who is a huge Willie Nelson fan – as much for the person as for his music – there’s a photograph that we took on the bus and he just looks as bright-eyed as ever, but the rest of us just look as if we are so fucking high. But my mom proudly displays this photo of me cross-eyed on Willie’s bus.

Like any good parent, Matthews’s mom overlooked her son’s poor photographic preferences and kept the photo up. Then again, because she’s such a Nelson fan, she probably forgot Dave was in the picture.

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This Is What Magic Mushrooms Do To Your Brain

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People have some pretty wild experiences while on ‘shrooms, reporting everything from vivid hallucinations to spiritual awakenings to intense euphoria. But exactly what happens inside the brain to produce such a trip?

That’s the subject of a new video from the guys at ASAPScience.

According to the video, the main psychoactive ingredient in magic mushrooms is psilocybin, a compound that the body breaks down into a mind-altering substance called psilocin. To find out what it does to the brain, just check out the video above.

Scientists believe magic mushrooms and other psychedelics might have significant therapeutic uses for people with mental health problems like depression and PTSD. But scientists say more research is needed–and maybe a change in laws governing the use of the drugs.

As ASAPScience’s Mitchell Moffit says in the video, “Ultimately, scientists believe that the laws need to change around clinical testing of the drugs so advanced research can be executed to fully understand both the positive and negative effects that this ‘magic fungus’ has on our brain.”

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15 Hangover Horror Stories That Will Make You Want To Never Drink Again

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Should we call the ER?

 

The Hangover / Via Warner Bros.

Maybe two hours into my alcohol-induced slumber, I’m lying on my back, my eyes suddenly rip open, and I spew vomit into the air and SOMEHOW managed to turn my face to the side before it came back down so as to not get hit with a face full of vomit. I lay completely still for probably two to three minutes, trying to figure out da fuq just happened, and applauding myself for not waking my friend up. Until I heard her say from behind me, “Uhh, you want a towel?” A couple hours later I came out to her mom and her aunt, who were visiting, applauding me and offering me a joint.

 

Sometime after I got home the dog was in bed and I managed to vomit all the food I ate all over my bed/shirt/hair. When I woke up in the morning I realized that the dog had chewed the vomit out of my (then waist-length) hair only on the left side of my head. I had to drive my husband to help find his car from the night before and while doing so ended up pulling out handfuls upon handfuls of half-chewed-up hair. After trying to suppress vomit all day I had to go to the hairdresser and explain why half my hair was missing.

 


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Kurt Cobain Doc – “Montage Of Heck” – Trailer Debuts

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First trailer for Kurt Cobain documentary ‘Montage Of Heck’ debuts online – watch
The first trailer for Montage Of Heck, the forthcoming documentary about Kurt Cobain, has debuted online.
The fully-authorised documentary premiered at the Sundance Film Festival in January but will arrive in UK cinemas this spring and receive its US television premiere on HBO on May 4 after showing at SXSW in Austin, Texas later this month (March). Cobain’s daughter Frances Bean Cobain served as an executive producer on the project. Montage Of Heck is named after one of Cobain’s mixtapes, which was circulated widely online in 2014. Pictured right is an image from the film.

An HBO press release says “the film provides no-holds-barred access to Cobain’s archives, home to his never-before-seen home movies, recordings, artwork, photography, journals, demos, personal archives and songbooks” and that it “features dozens of Nirvana songs and performances, as well as previously unheard Cobain originals”.

The film’s director Brett Morgen revealed earlier this month (March) that Montage Of Heck will feature a previously unheard 12-minute long acoustic Kurt Cobain track. Speaking previously to Rolling Stone, Morgen said that the film’s score “is all unreleased Cobain music.”

However, noticeably absent from Montage Of Heck is Cobain’s former Nirvana bandmate Dave Grohl, who was interviewed for the documentary too late for his contributions to be included in the current edit, Morgen explained in January.

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